Defining Your Values
Image via Institute Magazine, “Blue Summer”
What Are Values?
We all have intangible things that carry greater value for us than others. Values are what make us unique individuals, and drive our actions in life. I’ve been living value-based for a few years, and it’s the first place I start when guiding new clients, or offering advice to anyone who will listen. They help create our “why” for action in life, and give purpose and meaning to our days.
Values can be defined for your life, but also in partnerships, with money, in career, etc. You can even have values about what tv shows you watch, or how your spend your time. Defining values allows you to make powerful decisions with ease, and clarify your priorities, so that you are always moving towards your highest potential of self.
Defining Your Values
The first place to start is getting curious about all the different values. Click here or here for a list of values. Take your time going through them, and write down on a piece of paper ones that resonate with you.
After you’ve got your list, close your eyes for a moment, and really feel into yourself. Who are you now, and who were you as a child, before people told you that you were too quiet, too loud, too much? When do you feel most like yourself?
Tap into that unique essence of you, and go over your list again, making adjustments as needed.
Let yourself percolate on your values, keeping them in mind as you go about regular life. When you’re ready, come back to your list, and narrow your values down to 3 or 4 (that’s it!). If you’re having trouble, write out a sentence for each and what they mean to you. You can also do this practice with a partner, defining what you both value in a relationship.
Owning Your Shadows
At first, I felt embarrassed and ashamed of some things I included on my list, like “fame”, “power”, “beauty”, and “recognition”. Part of the reason we are feeling so out of touch with ourselves lately is the pressure society puts on us to be these perfect shining people. Shadow aspects of self are the ones we were taught to hide in order to fit in.
Growing up Catholic, I was taught that wanting money or success was selfish, and to put myself first was wrong. Even though I wanted these things deep down, I kept unconsciously making decisions that didn’t support who I truly was. Owning my darkness was one of the most transformative actions I’ve ever taken. Leaning into what I truly desire has helped shape the beautiful life I’m creating.
If you feel like any of your values are ugly, or unacceptable, lean into it. Ask yourself what that word means to you, and how owning it would change your life. What we don’t own owns us, so the quicker you can bring these “shameful” aspects of self to light, the quicker you can integrate yourself fully and start living out loud as the true and authentic you.
Living Your Values
Now that you’ve defined your values, the next step is reflecting on them when going about your daily, and in larger decision-making. What in your life is giving you the “ick”, or makes you feel not so great. Start taking note of these things, and then use your values to do things differently. If going to work makes you miserable, great! Go back to your core values to figure out what specifically isn’t fitting, or that you’re hiding.
Beauty was a big one for me. I thought being smart meant you couldn’t care about beauty, but I decided to own it, and now take pride in my ability to create a beautiful home, and cool outfits.
If you’re feeling stuck on how to live your values, ask yourself what specific action you can do to can feel more “insert your value”, and then start doing it.
Living a value-based life is an evolution that doesn’t happen overnight. Give yourself patience as you allow the power of values to unfold, and remember to reflect back on them often to remind yourself who you truly are, and what’s important to you.