On Hard Days

I wrote this blog post months and months before this space was created, and I’ve come back to my own words of advice several times when I’m having hard feelings or feeling a little “off”. There is something in the air - the idea of having “bad days” has been coming up with some of the people I’m working with, including myself, so I thought I’d share in hopes of creating a little more TLC for everyone, adding some tools to your emotional wellness toolbox.

xoxo,

P

Today, I woke up on the wrong side of the bed.

I’ve been trying to stay open to my emotions, to let them come and go from me. Some days I feel like I’ve finally cracked the code, I’ll be joyful forever!!!, and then it comes. First showing up physically in my body, then taking me on a downward spiral that you might be familiar with. I’m slow at processing and understanding how I feel, and it usually takes me at least a day (editors note: 5!) until I can finally admit that I can’t figure out what “it” is, and that there’s nothing conclusive to figure out, no easy fix to to make hard feelings go away. 

In the past I was an expert on telling myself I was okay and moving onto the next task, goal, or accomplishment. While picking yourself up and moving on can be helpful sometimes, I’m practicing accepting my emotions as they come, and when the time is right, adding in some energy boosting movement.

STEP 1

I take a slow and long breath as soon as I realize I’m feeling out of control or spiralling downwards into negative emotions like anxiety, stress, or fear. It often takes days for me to take this much needed deep breath, as my mind likes to focus on trying to solve my hard feelings (not possible!), instead. Taking a breath shifts my attention from my problem solving head into my feeling body. Our bodies are vastly more intuitive than our thinking brains. Sometimes there’s nothing to figure out, other times I can spend days trying to uncover why I’m feeling a certain way, ignoring the obvious as my mind tells me I should be over something, or unbothered. 

Taking just one mindful breath often shifts my mind back into the present moment, and away from the negative mindset I’ve shifted into. 

STEP 2

Once I’m feeling more present with myself through breath, I’ll repeat outloud “I am safe”, then “It’s okay that I’m feeling these feelings”. Giving up trying to figure things out lets things be as they are. I have a hard time not being able to control everything how I feel, and my time is so often spent trying to figure out the why, when it’s so much more helpful to me to start with acceptance. Letting things be as they are without a reason. 

I keep repeating “I am safe” as I take myself (outloud!) through a dialogue about things being the same as they were yesterday, acknowledging how far I’ve already come, and realizing that I had just latched onto a feeling, not reality.

*Since publishing, I’ve started practicing EFT tapping at this step, which creates physical relief in the body.

STEP 3

It is so important in the hard moments not to push on as normal, focusing on what you could do to fix things, but instead taking a cue to pause and care for yourself in the moment.

*~*Treat yourself as you would treat others!!~*~

Sounds a little different than the one we learned in elementary school right? If you don’t put yourself first, who will? Treat yourself like your own BFF, child, sister, etc, especially during the rough moments. 

When I start feeling like things are out of control, or overwhelming, it is always a sign to pause, and bring my mind and body back to reality. Treat it like an SOS and get back to basics, nurturing yourself back to calm so you can get a realistic perspective on things.

Here are some things I did this morning that brought me back to life.

Artist’s Pages from the Artist’s Way

This practice was recommended to me by a wise family friend, and has been such a cathartic practice. You just write for three pages. If I don’t know what to say, I’ll start by writing my name or that I don’t know what to say, over and over again. It always turns into something, and it’s a place to get those nasty thoughts out of your head, the fears or insecurities you’ve been holding in. When I write them down it makes them real yet somehow more inconsequential. No one will see it except for you, so let it flow mama.

Talk to Yourself :)

As I felt overwhelming feelings of sadness, I brought myself back to reality by putting my hands on my heart and saying out loud “I am safe”, “It’s okay that I don’t understand why I’m feeling these feelings, but I accept them as they are”. 

Our minds can quickly loop onto negative thoughts, trying to make sense of them by dredging up anything and everything we’ve been fearful of. By reality checking yourself, the negative thoughts become less real and more like waves passing through you.

Tarot Cards

I love pulling tarot guides, another current obsession, to give me some outside perspective. If you don’t have tarot cards, you could use an affirmation deck, flip to a page in a mindful book, or check out your favourite spiritual instagram feed to see if you feel a connection with their thoughts of the day. I usually pull at least a card a day, sometimes three, to give me something to reflect on as I go about my day. The card  I pulled today was a reminder to celebrate how far I’ve come and where I’m at in life. Joy!

DANCE!

We are meant to move our energy!! Today I bumped my current fav dance song (Diplo - On My Mind) and let myself go. I used to think I was a bad dancer, but now I feel how powerful movement is for me and find so much joy in jumping around. Pro tip, we hold so much emotion in our hips, so use them to shake everything loose.

Dancing also helps to get out of your mind and into your body. After just a few minutes I felt lighter, with all the “shoulds” in my mind easing away.

Make your Bed

Everything is energy, and you do not want to crawl back into that sad bed tonight. Shake out your pillows and your sheets, and it’s probably wise to keep dancing as you do.

Other Ideas

Fresh air, movement that feels good, gratitude list, nourishing meal, hugging someone, bowl of chips (hehe), and so many more. We all know what little things make us feel good, so do you! 

STEP 4

Once I self-soothed through breathing, mantra and lots of TLC, I was able to trace my hard feelings an ex’s behaviour, and instead of going through all the reasons in my brain of why I’m so over him and this wasn’t affecting me at all, I got curious. How would it look if his behaviour was upsetting to me? What would that feel like? And is it reasonable to be feeling these feelings?

Getting curious, you allow things to be as they are, and uncover deeper patterns and emotions that you wouldn’t be able to bring to life if you had been focusing so much on controlling yourself and your feelings. Curiosity also brings judgement out of the picture. So often we don’t want to be feeling the “bad”, however I truly believe that there is no such thing as good or bad, only what is. By removing the judgement you get to be a little easier on yourself, letting the feelings move through you instead of constricting and controlling. 

By going beneath the superficial, you have so much more potential to resolve the underlying triggers, rather than just dealing with moving forward and getting over seemingly small triggers. Feeling joy doesn’t mean you won’t ever have hard feelings. My experience has definitely been the opposite - the more awareness I have, the more I can’t ignore my hard feelings. Instead, awareness has given me the power to let emotions flow through me, instead of letting thoughts becoming beliefs that give me reason to maintain my funk and not examine the root cause.

Our bodies carry tremendous wisdom. The next time you feel overwhelmed and drifting into a downward spiral, pause. Notice where you’re feeling anything in your body, breathe, tell yourself you’re safe, and take care of yourself. Fear is constricting, and love is expanding. Every time you choose to take care of yourself first, you are choosing love over fear, and that is a beautiful way to live.